Saturday, February 25, 2006

Bush Admits...

Today pResident George Wanker Bush admitted to ordering the bombing of Samarra's Askariya Shrine, also known as the "Golden Mosque" and the "Shrine of the Tenth and Eleventh Imams," but claimed "It wuz an accident."

Bush went on to explain, in his characteristic mangled English, that he wanted to destroy "nookular" facilities in Iran, but got Iran and Iraq confused. "After all," he said, "there's only one letter difference between them." He continued "Not only that, them letters is only five letters apart, so they's real easy to get confused." as though that statement proved anything other than his innumeracy.

When asked by a reporter how even the Pentagon could confuse a mosque with a nuclear facility, Bush showed this slide of Israel's Dimona nuclear facility and said that they look so alike that is was no wonder that the Pentagon thought it was a "nookular" facility. Bush declined to answer further questions saying that he had a busy day ahead of him sorting through the costumes in his "dress-up box."

Later, President of Vice "Dead-eye" Dick Cheney stated: "This proves that the administration was right all along in saying that Saddam Hussein had, in fact, reconstituted his nuclear weapons program. Covering the dome of the nuclear facility with gold-colored aluminum foil and disguising the chimney as a minaret was his way of concealing it. Fortunately, CIA intelligence officers that we have yet to leak the identities of for the crime of exposing our lies saw through this deception. We will not hesitate to destroy any other nuclear facilities in Iraq or Iran that are similarly camouflaged." Cheney is, of course, a master of seeing through disguises having recently identified a quail cunningly disguised as a 78-year-old Texan lawyer.

Condi Lies 'R' Us blamed the mistake over the Golden Mosque upon Hugo Chavez, although did not explain further.