Thursday, January 19, 2006

Osama the Tool

Once upon a time, Osama bin Laden was a tool of the CIA dirty tricks department, funded (secretly) by the US government and by the Saudi royal family.

The CIA paid him to go to Afghanistan and fight the Soviet invaders. The plan was to turn Afghanistan into Russia's equivalent of Vietnam: a war they could not win and which would drain their treasury and self-esteem. And it worked. Supposedly, Osama is no longer a paid tool of the CIA. Quite why the Saudi royal family contributed to Osama when he was fighting the Soviets (and continue to fund him to this day) has never been satisfactorily explained by the pundits.

The legitimacy of the House of Saud's claim to the kingdom relies entirely upon the backing of the Wahabi sect of Islam (the founder of that sect and the first King Saud relied upon each other to give each other legitimacy). The only problem is that the House of Saud is composed of apostate playboys who pretend to be faithful Muslims in public and as infidels in private, and the Wahabi sect know it. So there is a popular movement amongst the Wahabis to overthrow the House of Saud and replace it with somebody more to their liking. The pundits claim that the House of Saud funds Osama (by donations to charities they know damned well are a front for Osama) so that he'll go off and kill other people instead of them. I have never bought that theory. If Osama is a devout Wahabi then he should view those bribes as a big insult and be even more determined to overthrow the House of Saud. Instead this religious fundamentalist accepts the bribe (we're talking Islamic fundamentalist, not the corrupt Falwells and Robertsons of Christian fundamentalist).

Could it be that Osama, just like the rest of his extended family (the second-most wealthy and powerful family in Saudi Arabia), actually be supporting the House of Saud? By going off to fight the Russians in Afghanistan he attracted all the hothead Wahabi Saudis who would otherwise have been thinking about how to overthrow the House of Saud. Osama's actions have actually reduced the risks faced by the House of Saud.

Bush-the-slightly-smarter fooled Saddam into war with Kuwait and lied about Iraqi troops massing on the Saudi border. As a result of which, US forces were stationed in Saudi Arabia (ostensibly to defend it from Iraq, but quite possibly to defend the House of Saud from rebellion). Osama said and did little about that at the time. Nothing major, just enough to convince his recruits that he wasn't ignoring it.

Bush-the-fuckwit came along, having been sold upon Cheney's vision of invading Iraq to steal its oil. The problem was that they needed an excuse. Conveniently for them, up popped Osama with 9-11 to give them that excuse. Was Osama still a CIA tool?

Osama also demanded that Bush pull US forces out of Saudi Arabia and "Dead or Alive" Bush meekly accepted Osama's bidding without a complaint. Could it be that the presence of US troops was making the real Wahabis unhappy and so it was expedient to get them out? That might have happened anyway if a large troop force in Iraq is sufficient to allow some to go into Saudi Arabia at a moment's notice to protect the royal family. But revolutionary coups can happen very quickly. So it is more likely a compromise worked out between the Sauds and the US: move the troops out of Saudi Arabia so the Wahabis calm down, but keep them close enough that the Wahabis would be worried about retaliation. A compromise that is probably the best the US and the Sauds could hope for, and one which Osama just happened to demand.

Every so often, when Bush's popularity was flagging, up popped an Osama video or audio tape, or an Osama press statement. How convenient.

And now it is obvious that Cheney's dream of invading Iraq to steal its oil has gone horribly wrong, now even the mainstream media are demanding the US pulls out of Iraq, Bush is desperately looking for some way of stopping his popularity ratings plummeting. Guess what? Osama just popped up again and offered a permanent truce with honour if the US pulls its troops out.

2 + 2 = 9-11.


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