Thursday, September 22, 2005

You know how it goes...

You know how it goes when you run a small business and take pity on the local village idiot. He's middle-aged but mentally he's about 6 or 7. He's mentally retarded. A 'tard. In fact, he's so bad most people call him a "fucktard" or a "fuckwit." But you think nobody is without merit and everybody deserves some dignity so you give him a makework job where he can't do any damage and tell him he's a manager and let him pretend he's running the business (and even go so far as to tell your other employees that he's the COO) so he feels good about himself. And although he takes six-hour lunchbreaks every day you don't complain because at least that means he's only making a mess of the trivial things you give him to do for two hours a day.

Anyway, he's not a bad guy. Even though some people blame him for all the pet cats that end up with their throats cut and there's the inexplicable coincidence that he talks about some cat and a week later its throat gets cut. And then there are those shotgun killings. There is no evidence that this 'tard was the murderer but nor can he ever provide independent witnesses as to his whereabouts at the time of the shootings. But he can't be a bad guy because he's eager to please and he makes you laugh with the things he says. Even though ever since you took him on there has always been a discrepancy between the amount of petty cash you should have and the amount you actually have, and the actual amount is always lower than it should be.

The problem comes when you have to go into hospital without notice because of heart problems (which you conceal from your employees by saying you were buying another house in another state). That would be OK because your number two can take charge. But your number two gets hospitalized with kidney stones. That would be OK because your number three can take charge. Except your number three decided she wanted a holiday so she could buy some expensive shoes and take in a stage show.

And even that would be OK, except there's a crisis at work. When the 'tard finally gets back from his six-hour lunchbreak he slowly (oh, so slowly) comes to realize there's a problem (mainly because all your other employees are running around screaming that there's a problem). At first he does nothing, waiting for you to take charge. But people tell him you're buying a new house so he does nothing waiting for your number two to take charge. But people tell him your number two is in hispital so he still does nothing, waiting for your number three to take charge. But people tell him your number three is on vacation. Slowly it dawns upon him that his job title is "manager." So he takes charge. And somehow, in the process of trying to fix the problem, burns your business to the ground and several of your employees die in the fire.

You get the insurance payout and rebuild your business. And, just so that the 'tard doesn't think you blame him for burning the old one down, you continue to employ him as before. And then another problem comes up, very similar to the last one. And now you, your number two and number three tell all the other employees that this time the 'tard is prepared and ready to deal with the problem and that this time he'll get it right. But all you achieve by this is to remind your employees just how badly the 'tard fucked up the last time and make them worry that he'll fuck up just as badly this time. So they all quit and walk out before he sets the place on fire again because they don't want to die in the fire.

Bush is that fucktard. His Boss, the number two and number three are Dick "Crashcart" Cheney, Karl "Evil piece of shit" Rove and Condi "Lies 'R' Us" respectively. The three real bosses were unavailable when Katrina hit and Bush was on yet another extended vacation. When he came back he finally got the idea that he ought to do something about things but only fucked them up even more. And now Cheney, Rove and Rice are telling us that with Hurrican Rita this time Bush the fucktard will get it right.

Usually people believe their spin. But this time all they're doing is reminding people just how badly Bush fucked up with Katrina. People understand that "This time he'll get it right," whether he does or not, means "Last time he totally fucked up." And that can only be a good thing, because people need to remember how badly he fucked up at the mid-term elections and vote out those Republican bastards (and a few DINOs) in Congress who refuse to criticise Bush.

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